Padusan Merapi (15-16 Juli 2012) 2 : Entah Kudu Seneng Apa Mangkel

Tulisan part 2 dan part 3 adalah lanjutan dari kisah pendakian di tahun 2012, yang ditulis kembali oleh penulis di tahun 2016. Selamat menikmati.

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Mentari pagi mulai menggeliat naik ketika kami tersadar dari tidur nyaman kami. Udara dingin dan cuaca yang cerah pada 16 Juli 2012 seakan mendukung kami untuk mengeratkan sleeping bag kemudian kembali pada mimpi indah. Saya pun enggan beranjak, namun hati yang tak tenang karena tidak ada kepastian ijin pendakian membuat saya tak mampu tidur dengan tenang. Entah dengan yang lain. Sepertinya mereka nyaman-nyaman saja dengan tidurnya.

Merbabu

"He, kae pemandangane apik lho," ujar Kanji yang baru saja dari luar. Si Boss Ketua OSIS ini nampaknya memang tidak punya syaraf rasa dingin, sepagi itu ia telah jalan-jalan keluar hanya bermodalkan kaos dan celana training.

"Tenane, Nji?" balas dua orang pemburu foto profil pemandangan, Toyo dan Kombir. Sontak keduanya langsung keluar, tentu setelah memakai sweater dan kaos kaki. Samcong pun ikut mencari panorama.

"Pie, dab? Munggah ora penake?" sahut Gakros dari dalam sleeping bagnya.
"Manut. Munggah ndi emang?" balas saya tak bersemangat sembari njingkrung seperti kepompong.
Tak membalas, Gakros beranjak mencari basecamper untuk meminta masukan. Enggan bermalas-malasan, saya mencari peralatan masak dan mulai membuat minuman hangat.

"Ra wani ngeculke dab," Gakros menerangkan bahwa warga tidak berani memberi ijin kami untuk naik, "kene tak gawekke wae, kowe masak."
"Berarti Merbabu?" saya sungguh ragu untuk mendaki jalur yang saya tak pernah lalui tanpa persiapan matang.
"Manut cah-cah," jawabnya, meskipun sebenarnya itu bukan jawaban juga.

Teman-teman yang ada di luar nampaknya kembali masuk karena tahu ada minuman hangat yang telah tersaji. Tetapi tak lama, karena mereka keluar lagi dengan tampilan yang sudah dipermak untuk mendapatkan foto-foto bagus.Saya bergegas meracik bumbu untuk masakan. Nasi dan tempe adalah bahan sarapan kami, "Ah yang penting makan, masalah rasa belakangan," ucap saya pada diri sendiri.

Hunting foto

"Pie penake?" tanya Gakros pada tim.
"Merbabu wae mbangane ra pasti," kata Toyo tak sabar.
"Emang Merbabu mesti oleh?" balas Ibeng.
"Emang ana sing paham Merbabu, ojo nekat lho Beng," Kombir menimpali dengan nada khawatir.
"Ho o lho, ngko malah rasido seneng-seneng," Samcong pun mengamini.
Kami pun hening. Rencana untuk hepi-hepi berujung ketidakpastian. Mungkin diberi harapan palsu oleh perempuan jauh lebih pasti daripada nasib kami. "Ngene ae Gak, coba tok kontak kancamu meneh. Takok Merbabu kaya pie detile," Kanji pun angkat suara.
"Angger Gakros wani aku sih wani wae, karo madang ki," ujarku seraya mengoper jatah makanan.

Berunding

Agaknya keresahan kami sedikit terobati seiring karbohidrat dan protein mengaliri kebutuhan nutrisi. Ditambah lagi adanya pendaki lain yang hendak naik Merapi namun urung dan mengganti tujuan. "Yawes Merbabu wae. Yuk packing, cepak-cepak sik," tegas Gakros setelah bimbang sekian lama. Kami pun membagi tugas, Samcong dan saya cuci-cuci peralatan masak; Toyo, Kombir, Ibeng, dan Gakros menyusun peralatan serta menyiapkan kendaraan; sedangkan Kanji foto-foto (engga ada yang berani memberi perintah pada bos yang satu ini).

Mengisi perut, mengurangi keresahan

Sungguh. Satu pembelajaran penting yang saya dapat ketika di sini adalah, memasaklah dengan minyak atau margarin kalau pakai nesting. Jika tidak, sisa-sisa nasi banyak yang mengeras di pinggir-pinggirnya hingga jadi intip. Mau digosok-gosok seperti apa, tidak mau lepas jua dari nesting. Merk sabun cuci apapun agaknya kalah ampuh. Hanya kesabaran yang mampu menaklukannya.

"Wes ah, Nggra. Mangkel aku. Iki liyane tak angkut mlebu ya," ujar Samcong, jengah dengan cobaan hidup yang satu ini. Saya tak patah arang, tak sudi diperdaya oleh nasi kering di pinggiran nesting.

"Yo, wes siap iki!" Toyo memanggil kami untuk berkumpul. Tas sudah rapi, alat sudah bersih, kendaraan sudah siap. Bahkan mungkin sudah dipanasi 15 menit lebih. Terlihat Pak Basecamper (engga tau siapa namanya) berjalan-jalan keluar dari rumah. Kami acuh saja, cukup menyapa kemudian melanjutkan siap-siap, bingung mau menanggapi bagaimana.

"Pie, sidane Merbabu?" tanya Kombir sembari metingkring di atas motor.
"Lha pie meneh," balas Ibeng.
"Yoweslah."

Tujuh orang lelaki yang dirundung keraguan, kini telah bersatu padu menemukan semangat baru untuk mendaki gunung tetangga, Merbabu. Berdasarkan prakiraan, kita akan sampai di puncak sore hari. Apabila memungkinkan kami kebut pulang malam ini juga, namun rencana cadangan kami adalah pulang esok hari ketika stamina telah prima. Karier kami angkut, barang-barang kami tenteng, helm sudah kami pasang rapi, tinggal nangkring di atas kendaraan dan melanjutkan perjalanan. Merbabu, kami akan mengunjungimu. Berilah kami sambutan terhangat.

"Pak, badhe pamit riyin nggih. Matur nuwun," ucap Gakros penuh unggah-ungguh berpamitan dengan pemilik rumah.
"Oh, nggih. Lha badhe teng pundi niki? Balik Jogja?"
"Mboten pak, badhe Merbabu. Lha tanggung pun tebih-tebih mriki."
Sang empunya rumah terdiam sejenak. Mengernyitkan dahi. "Nggih mpun mas nek badhe minggah Merapi monggo mawon, ning ngantos Pasar Bubrah mawon nggih."

Kami terhenyak. Terkaget-kaget. "Saestu niki. Menawi jenengan minggah malih jelas mboten aman wong niki pun siaga." Gakros memandang tim satu per satu seraya menunjukkan ekspresi "pie iki??". "Iya pak, terimakasih," sahut Kanji segera, sebelum beliau berubah pikiran.

"Ngopo?" tanya Kombir pada saya.
"Bapake ngolehke munggah Merapi, ning mung tekan Bubrah," jawab saya.
"Lha asem, ngopo ra ket mau," balas Ibeng.
Iya juga sih. Kami sudah terjaga sedari Subuh tadi dan beliau sebenarnya juga tahu. Ada banyak kesempatan baginya untuk memberi kami ijin. Ketika hunting foto, ketika membuat kopi, ketika memasak, ketika makan, ataupun ketika bersiap-siap. Kenapa ia harus memilih momen paling buruk? Momen di saat kami sudah teguh pendirian hendak berpindah ke lain hati. Momen ketika kami telah yakin tak mampu bersua dengan orang yang tadinya diharapkan. Momen di mana orang yang pernah kita sukai memberi sinyal cinta, namun waktunya sudah tak tepat lagi. Entah harus senang apakah dongkol.

Gakros pun berjalan kembali ke arah tim seraya bertanya, "Pie iki? Merbabu puncak apa Merapi Bubrah?"
"Merapi puncak ra oleh Gak?"
"Jo ngawur Nji, wong lagi siaga jare kok," sanggah Toyo. Ada benarnya juga, mengingat hujan abu semalam.
"Aku yo mung takon kok, Toy. Hmm, yawes manut ae. Merapi yo rapopo wong niate munggah kene kok."
"Aku ra masalah endi wae, sing penting seneng-seneng kok," Toyo menambahkan.
"Aku yo ho o."
"Melu-melu e Beng!"
"Ha kok nyenthe e Cong, lahloh ae."
"Yowes nek do ora ono sing keberatan, Merapi wae ngko sore mudhun. Pie?" ujar Gakros menyimpulkan.

Tentu saja tak ada yang keberatan. Orang-orang ini semua pernah mendaki dan memuncaki Merbabu, meskipun melalui jalur Wekas. Bagi mereka, pilihan Merbabu Selo ataupun Merapi Pasar Bubrah adalah perkara mudah. Bagi saya yang gagal memuncaki kedua gunung ini, mendaki Merapi namun hanya Pasar Bubrah merupakan pil pahit ibarat tradisi yang terulang. Ah, sudahlah. Toh niat saya bersenang-senang bersama teman-teman SMA setelah jemu berkutat dengan penatnya proses perkuliahan.

Mbuh pie carane, bongkar!

"Gek uwes, Nda!"
Entah dari mana istilah "Nda" ini, apakah nama orang ataukah dari film, saya juga lupa. Akan tetapi setahu saya, fungsinya menggantikan sebutan panggilan orang lain.
"Kosek, Nda. Ewangi nata motor ki lho."
Motor yang tadinya telah siaga dengan gagah di pekarangan, diparkir kembali. Tas yang sudah terpacking rapi, diudal-udal tanpa ampun. Barang-barang yang tak diperlukan, dikumpulkan jadi satu di pojok ruangan.

"Gak, tenda pie?"
"Guwang ae."
"Tenane?"
"Iyo, ngko Anggra ben dadi pawang udan, mbuh pie carane."

Saya terkekeh mendengar percakapan tersebut. Jujur saya khawatir juga. Tenda tak dibawa. Alat masak hanya seperlunya. Sleeping bag pun ditinggal. Muatan yang tadinya 3 karier dan 4 ransel dipress menjadi 2 karier dan 3 ransel plus satu tas selempang. Peralatan tim dan konsumsi kemudian dibagi rata ke karier Gakros dan saya serta ransel Ibeng, Samcong, dan Kanji. Saya mengingatkan untuk tetap membawa mantel atau ponco demi alasan safety. Saya pun diam-diam mengangkut sleeping bag dan peralatan rescue ke dalam karier. Setelah berbulan-bulan dibiasakan, rasanya tak tenang kalau mendaki tanpa prosedur safety yang sesuai.

Bersiap berangkat

"Kanji nggowo banyu, konsum karo peralatan kamera. Samcong nggowo banyu karo ponco. Ibeng nggowo banyu karo cemilan lengkap. Lah kowe nggowo opo e, Toy?" sindir Kombir yang melihat Toyo hanya membawa sebuah tas selempang yang entah apa isinya itu.
"Menengo su. Ngoco!!" balas Toyo. Yah Kombir memang tidak membawa apapun kecuali pakaian yang menempel dan sweater yang dikalungkan ke lehernya.

"Pemanasan sik Gak!" perintah Kanji ketika kami hendak berjalan naik. Tak berani membantah dan demi alasan keselamatan, kami pun pemanasan dan peregangan meski hanya sebentar. Maklum saja, niatan awal kami adalah camp di gunung dan bermalam di atas. Wajar saja kalau kami tak sabar mengejar impian yang sudah pasti tak mungkin terealisasi.

Usai pemanasan, kami berdoa memohon keselamatan dan kelancaran pendakian. Mendaki di tengah Merapi sedang siaga memang nekat, namun kami tetap berusaha menyadari batas-batas kemampuan kami tanpa menantang maut. "Yo munggahe alon wae, ojo ninggali. Ngko nek ana sing kesel gawa tas ben Toyo karo Kombir genteni."
"Wegah aku."
"Su e Toy!" balas Ibeng.

"Wah foto sik iki penake," ucap Kanji lirih, mungkin pengingat untuk dirinya sendiri. Akan tetapi setiap perkataannya bak komando, titah yang tak terpatahkan.

Akhirnya....

Padusan Merapi (15-16 Juli 2012) 1 : #PrayFor33

Percaya tidak percaya, ini adalah tulisan yang sebenarnya hendak saya publikasikan di tahun 2012. Akan tetapi berhubung ceritanya panjang, saya pun tak sempat melanjutkan tulisan. Akhir tahun 2016, saya mereview ulang blog dan kemudian menemukan tulisan ini. Belum tuntas, hanya setengah jadi saja. Oleh karena itu, tulisan ini akan saya lanjutkan namun dibagi menjadi 3 chapter. Kenapa harus 3 chapter? Tidak ada alasan spesifik, hanya soal kenyamanan saja. Saya yakin pembaca dan diri saya sendiri tidak terlalu suka tulisan yang terlalu panjang dan ngalor ngidul. Maka dari itu, ngalor ngidulnya tidak saya jadikan satu, melainkan tiga.

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"Pak, ayo munggah merapi." sms dari Mada, yang biasanya dipanggil Gakroso, hinggap di nokia 101 ku. Lho kok dipanggil 'Pak' sih? Ya itu semacam cara manggil aja di angkatanku SMA, istilahnya kayak pake kata 'Bro' dan sebagainya gitu.

Hmmm, iya ya uda lama juga aku ga mendaki bareng anak-anak SMA. Sebenernya mereka sering ngadain pendakian gitu tapi karena kesibukanku sebagai akademisi di kampus yauda aku biasanya nitip salam aja. Wah tapi uda sebulan lebih ga nggerakin badan nih, gimana ya? Well, setelah 'Menuju Puncak Kenikmatan Nan Barokah Di Negeri Pasundan' (FUD), aku 'balas dendam' dengan males-malesan dan nyantai-nyantai. Tapi ajakan ini akhirnya kuiyakan mengingat aku belum pernah muncak Merapi.

Gakros

Singkat cerita, 14 Juli terkumpullah lima orang lainnya yaitu Yoga  (Kanji), Ridhwan (Ibeng), Tito (Toyo), Mahfudz (Samcong), dan Yodha (Kombir). Pendakian ini tadinya nyaris ga jadi, setelah Gakroso kesleo dirumahnya. Tapi karena lemahnya alibi dan engga ada saksi, alasan itu gabisa diterima yang lainnya.

Kanji

Pendakian Merapi ini semacam nostalgia, sebelumnya dua tahun lalu kami pernah berkunjung ke Merapi dengan personil yang berbeda. Saat itu adalah pendakian pertamaku, tapi karena keterbatasan stamina aku gagal muncak. Bagi Gakroso sendiri, pendakian Merapi ibarat padusan atau ritual membersihkan diri yang biasa dilakukan sebelum memasuki bulan Ramadhan. Dan aku nulis ini bukan sebagai catatan perjalanan yang ditujukan buat 'membantu' penikmat alam lainnya, tapi cuma untuk pengingat momen-momenku saat di Merapi aja.

Ibeng

15 Juli, kami janjian kumpul di Angkringan UII di Jl. Kahar Muzakir. Ibeng yang rumahnya gak jauh dari rumahku berniat datang tepat waktu, jam 10. Yah sekalian aja aku nebeng. Waktu SMA dulu, ada istilah Waktu Indonesia Bagian Namche, yang maksudnya anak Namche itu punya 'jam'nya sendiri yang akibatnya molor ga tanggung-tanggung. Aku dan Ibeng jelas datang paling awal karena tepat waktu, disusul Kanji jam 11.00, Gakroso dan Kombir yang aku gatau jam berapa mereka datang karena aku lagi belanja bekal, serta Toyo yang datang jam 14.00...hanya dengan pakaian, motor, dan tas slempang isi rokok.

Toyo

Setelah menyiapkan berbagai bekal dan nyewa peralatan, kami berangkat tepat setelah sholat Ashar. Perjalanan menuju Selo yang panjang dan berkelok-kelok seakan tak terasa karena dihibur dengan pemandangan indah yang disajiikan oleh Merapi dan alam di sekitarnya. Kami sempat mampir makan di warung pinggir jalan karena dorongan cairan lambung yang menggerus keyakinan kami untuk makan di basecamp Selo.

Samcong

Perjalanan pun berlanjut. Sebelum basecamp, trek menanjak lurus menghadang kami. Aku yang saat itu berboncengan dengan Gakros di atas motor Ibeng pun mulai was-was karena muncul tanda-tanda engga kuat. Benar saja, beberapa meter sebelum basecamp aku harus melompat dari motor karena tidak kuat menarik beban kita berdua. Haha. Kami pun sampai di basecamp sebelum Maghrib.

Kombir

Apes. Itulah yang dapat aku katakan. Saat itu warga sekitar melihat asap hitam mengepul dari arah Gunung Merapi dan mereka pun berkumpul di sepanjang jalan dekat basecamp untuk mengamati keadaan Merapi. Mereka belum yakin apakah itu awan panas atau apa. Parahnya di saat yang sama ada pendaki yang mengalami kecelakaan di atas sana. Rumornya adalah terjatuh di tempat yang kurang nyaman sehingga mengalami luka-luka. Tapi dia masih bisa jalan kok ,walaupun pelan. Tetap saja kejadian itu sudah cukup membuat suasana mencekam. Meskipun awan tadi dipastikan hasil dari guguran lava, para warga tidak ingin kami mengambil resiko untuk melanjutkan perjalanan. Walhasil, kami pun beristirahat di basecamp hingga waktu yang belum ditentukan.

Saya

Salah satu prosedur keamanan yang wajib kami lakukan sebelum pendakian adalah memberi kabar kepada rekan-rekan kami di basecamp atau di jogja. Meskipun kami tidak mengharap celaka, namun pencegahan selalu lebih baik bukan? Begitu pun saat itu, banyak rekan yang tahu bahwa kami melakukan pendakian ke Gunung Merapi. Ternyata di berbagai berita muncul kabar terkait kondisi Gunung Merapi yang menampakkan aktivitas dapur magmanya.

Kondisi kami saat itu membuat khawatir teman-teman di Jogja. Berhubung saat itu media sosial paling tenar adalah Twitter, sontak saja twit dengan hashtag #PrayFor33 bertebaran di timeline kami. Angka 33 yang menunjukkan angkatan sispala kami, meski tak semuanya anak pecinta alam, menjadi viral di berbagai angkatan.

Ada kakak kelas yang mencoba menghubungi kami via telepon namun gagal. Ada adik kelas yang mengontak basecamp Gunung Merapi namun tak dapat terhubung. Ada pula senior kami yang menyiagakan tim penyelamatan apabila skenario terburuk terjadi. Di saat bersamaan, kami, yang tak tahu kekhawatiran rekan-rekan di Jogja karena keterbatasan sinyal, sedang menikmati cemilan yang dibawa masing-masing dan asik bermain kartu remi.

Rekan-rekan di Jogja sedang panik

Kami yang sampai di basecamp kurang lebih pukul 18.00, telah menghabiskan 4 jam foto-foto di basecamp, ngemil, dan main kartu. Lama kelamaan bosan juga karena Samcong hampir selalu kalah, Toyo hampir selalu menang, dan Gakros hampir selalu tak kelihatan batang hidungnya, entah hilang ke mana. Dirundung kebosanan yang menjemukan, muncul wacana untuk mendaki Gunung Merbabu. Masalahnya tak ada satu pun dari kami yang berpengalaman via jalur Selo, bahkan basecampnya dimana saja kami tak tahu (bahkan itu adalah kali pertama saya tahu bahwa Merbabu bisa dicapai via Selo). Gakros pun mencoba menghubungi rekan-rekannya yang sebagian besar adalah juru kunci gunung ataupun pendaki veteran.

Tengah malam tiba, namun ijin untuk mendaki tak kunjung didapat. Kecewa, pasti. Akhirnya kami memutuskan untuk mendaki Gunung Merbabu keesokan hari meskipun tak ada yang tahu jalur. Sudahlah yang penting kita bersama, hambatan menghadang hadapi penuh kesabaran. Kami pun memutuskan untuk segera tidur.

Unreachable

I intended to make this year much more productive than before. Creating more post was one of the realizations. In fact, I could not be more productive than three years ago, which topped with 77 posts. With this post I only created less than 30 posts and that is only a half of 2013. Still a long way to go, but only 7 days left of this year.

At the end of August 2016, I made a commitment to create a post everyday until the end of the year. However, that commitment is not commitment at all, since definitively commitment means a strong willingness of giving the energy and time to something that someone believes in, or a promise (based on dictionary). It seems that I cannot fulfill that promise this year because my commitment is not strong enough. In my opinion, that "commitment" more or less just an "intention".

Why dont you create 30 or 40 more posts in the reamaining days? Well, I do not have a solid reason. However, I will be satisfied if I could continuously create a post each day. I could make 40 or even 50 posts in a day, but I will not be able to ensure the quality. In terms of writing, I prefer quality over quantity. It is a silly reason, but I already made up my mind and accepted my failure.

It is possibly done, but I was not persistence in pursuing my target. I had time to do so, yet I waste it. My target turn into my next year target. For now, it is out of the question. It is unreachable.

Crash

Here I am, back again in my lovely blog. It's been a while since I'm gone missing. Well, truthfully, I really wanted to write something. Yet, the browser of mine gone mad. I could not download anything. I could not open several specific pages. And I even could not read my own email.

Malware? I am dumb as a rock when it comes to technology, so I have no idea. Virus? Nah, I did not think so. Since I already scanned the laptop thoroughly with the anti-viruses, I was forced to use another, easy-to-use but unfamiliar, browser for net surfing. The main problem is, I never remember any password of my account except gmail account. Therefore, I will not be able to use any accounts if it goes any longer. Meanwhile, I am in the middle of intensive communication with institutions for important matter. Dang.

Fortunately, it is solved by now.

Simple turn off and on do the trick.

FYI, I rarely shut my laptop down.

Dang, so embarassing.

No Post On October

It was a special month. Every day is a new day of hope, supposedly, since that institution promised will give me the news in this week. The information I had been waiting for a year and a half. The announcement that anticipated by every candidate. Four turned out to be five, and six catch up shortly. They mentioned four to six, did not they?

However, that bright expectation of a new day turned out to be an unavoidable hopelessness. Every morning the anxiety came by and left me in despair, but I survived -clinging to something that called determination. Yes. The determination of waiting.

Waiting is the most useless activity. Fortunately, eighteen months of struggling gave me the ability to learn the art of waiting. Patience - became the key of this new skill. I ignored all my fear and anxiety, focusing on something that made me active. I ought to do something productive, you might say, to changing the focus of my mind. On the other hand, all I did in that special month is doing nothing patiently. I waste the most precious treasure in the world, time. The impact is significant, in a negative way, and forced me to be more anxious and scared. The new me, the more negative version of me, became too scared to doing anything. Too scared to come out and socialized. Too scared to meet anyone. Too scared to write something in this portal.

Dang, I already posted one, though.

Mission unaccomplished.

Laste

Aku pun duduk termangu, di atas kendaraan kesayangan, menanti sebuah pintu terbuka. Pintu yang selalu membawanya kepada kebahagiaam. Kau adalah alasannya, Kau adalah pembawa kebahagiaan itu, Kau adalah Sang Lentera penuh kasih yang pijarnya selalu menerangi jiwa yang dingin nan kesepian. Terangnya cahaya penuh kehangatan itu hanya dibatasi oleh pintu kayu hitam legam yang penuh kenangan antara Kau dan Aku. Tak peduli siang maupun malam, panas terik atau hujan badai, Aku perhatikan kilau cahayanya tak kunjung padam meskipun telah sekian lama.

Pintu itu terbuka, terlihat paras elok seorang perempuan bercahaya di ambang pintu yang penuh makna tersebut. Aku hanya tersenyum simpul dan berkomentar, "tumben sudah siap."

"Ya, tentu saja. Ini hari yang spesial," balas yang diajak bicara.

"Tepat. Lama sekali kita tak berjumpa."

Kau pun langsung memposisikan diri di singgasana yang tersedia. "Mau ke mana kita?" tanya Aku, pertanyaan klasik yang selalu kesulitan untuk Kau jawab. 

"Tidak tahu, Aku ingin ke mana?"

"Entah, aku pun tak tahu." Sebuah jawaban yang aneh bagi si pembonceng. Sepengetahuan dirinya, si pengendara kendaraan roda dua ini selalu punya tujuan, selalu tahu akan ke mana. 

Hening.

"Jalan saja dulu," akhirnya Kau memerintah, demi memecah kebisuan.

Aku terdiam, namun motornya dijalankan perlahan-lahan.

Berkendara tanpa tujuan seakan telah menjadi ritual bagi Kau dan Aku, yang menjadikan ini sebagai momen pelarian diri dari realita. Menjadikan dunia ini milik berdua saja, plus motor bebek 100cc. Akan tetapi, Aku selalu tahu tempat-tempat yang menarik, rute-rute yang menyenangkan, dan membuat momen itu tidak sekadar menghabiskan waktu tanpa makna. Ritual tersebut adalah satu hal yang pasti dilakukan di akhir pertemuan mereka.

"Maaf..hanya roda dua. Maaf," desis Aku terbata-bata.

"Jangan pernah berkata seperti itu."

Kemudian hening.

"Bolehkah?" ucap yang duduk di belakang sembari mempertemukan kedua telapak tangannya melalui pinggang yang duduk di depannya.

Aku tak menjawab, pertanyaan itu seakan tak membutuhkan jawaban. "Tak ada seorangpun yang bisa menolak permintaan itu," bisik hati kecilnya.

Kau menggosokkan kepalamu ke punggung Aku. Beberapa gosokan ia awali sebelum menempatkan pelipis kanannya di titik yang paling nyaman pada lahan yang bidang itu. Betapa hangat, betapa menenangkan. Aku selalu iri dengan punggungnya yang selalu berkesempatan menikmati tulusnya sentuhan dari belakang. Tetapi apa daya. Saat ini Aku hanya mampu mengerahkan kemampuan seluruh syaraf di tubuh demi menikmati kenyamanan yang ditularkan si perempuan itu untuk sementara waktu.

Aku memperhatikan jari-jemari lentik yang menggelayut di perutnya. Indah nan cantik. Menentramkan, namun kini memilukan. Cincin emas bermata kristal tersemat di jari manis tangan kanan, suatu hal yang tak mungkin Aku jangkau. Hanya perak polos yang mampu Aku berikan untuk dirinya. Hanya saja Sang Perak tak sempat menunjukkan pamornya, karena Si Emas telah lebih dahulu hinggap dengan nyaman sejak minggu kemarin. Aku tersenyum simpul. Sadar bahwa perak kalah tanding, sadar bahwa perjalanan ini akan usai.

"Kamu sudah akan mengantarku pulang?" tanya Kau yang tersadar rute ini menuju kediamannya.

"Belum puaskah engkau bersamaku semenjak matahari terbit hingga petang?"

Kau terdiam, berharap matahari bergulir ke timur agar hari ini takkan pernah berakhir.

"Baiklah, satu putaran lagi," ujar Aku menguatkan dirinya yang sadar bahwa waktu takkan mampu terulang kembali.

Kau tersenyum puas, bahagia permintaannya dikabulkan, walaupun memang selalu demikian.

Hari telah beranjak larut. Aku menghentikan kendaraan sederhana tersebut tepat di depan pintu penuh kenangan yang ia hadapi pagi tadi. Kau pun turun.

"Jadi, Kau akan pindah?" ucap Aku. Ada nada sesal di dalam pernyataan itu.

"Padahal tempat ini penuh kenangan," balas Kau, mengiyakan tanpa jawaban sembari mengulurkan tangan untuk berpamitan seperti biasa, namun ini tak biasa.

"He-em," Aku raih tangan tersebut, dan tanpa sadar terpaku memandanginya, memperhatikan kemilau di jemari lentiknya.

"Eh! Maaf!" pekik Kau seraya menarik lengan dengan tergesa. Telapak itu pun disembunyikan di balik tubuhnya.

Kau berjalan mundur menuju ke pintu itu. Biasanya ia akan mengucap "tunggu aku hingga masuk ke dalam", lalu Aku mengangguk pelan tanpa sedetik pun melepas pandangnya dari Kau.

Kau telah berada di dalam, di tempat yang berbeda dengan Aku. Ia berbalik, memegangi daun pintu dengan tangan bergetar. Perlahan menutup potret masa lalu hubungan mereka berdua. Kau menarik nafas panjang, seakan ingin melepaskan beban yang amat berat. Satu kali. Dua kali. "Aku akan merindukanmu," ia berhasil mengungkapkan isi hati sebelum tangisnya pecah.

Aku duduk memandangi pintu yang tertutup itu. Tak ada jalan baginya untuk masuk. Ia mengangguk perlahan, meneguhkan hatinya. Cahaya yang ada di dalam pun perlahan temaram. Meredup.

Sang Lentera pun akhirnya padam.

Terinspirasi dari "Cinta dan Cahaya Ruang Tamu yang Padam", sebuah kisah nyata yang tak nyata.

161027 Heavy Rain

It was a beautiful morning. Sunny but cool enough to repress my anxiety. Yes, THAT anxiety. I just sat in the corner of my room, in the other corner of the room my laptop tried to connect the internet, without any sign of succeeding. I took my phone. Nothing interesting in that thing, but I thought it is better than just sitting without any activity. Then, I turned on the mobile data. Wow, is it true? I cannot verify that news while my wi-fi down.

It was a mysterious afternoon. The sky started to drizzle. Some people might say that rain will only bring misfortune or bad premonition. Others might say, rain is 10 percent water and 90 percent memories. Well, in my opinion, rain is a good sign. Many great things happened to me on a rainy day. The slight rain transformed into a heavy rain. And I could not stop my joyful feeling. The cool rain spatters made me calm. Yeah, I always love this moment.

Is it the God's celebration? I am not sure until this moment. But since many memorable occurrences happened in the rain, I can only give a profound gratitude when it comes.

The Existence of Elevator

A nobleman's princess pushed the elevator button in a royal hotel, impatiently. She grumbled and muttered while waiting for the lift. 

Eventually, it came. She stormed hastily and shouted at the elevator boy, "Where were you?!"

"I am sorry, miss. But where could someone go when he was inside the elevator all the time?"

Originally taken from Doa Sang Katak 2 (Anthony de Mello SJ)

The Genre that You Do Not Even Remember the Name

"You'll gonna love this music."

"Music? Did you mean song?"

"No. Music. Literally. I can't stand any of the new songs nowadays."

"Wait. What? Really? What kind of music then?"

"Just listen. Well it's sorta like clubbing music, but it isn't. Frankly, I love any lyricless song recently."

"Well, well, I heard it and I can't love it like you do."

"Woah, woah, yesterday you said you love folk music but you don't like this kind of genre?"

"Yup."

"But both of them are nearly the same, for my ears."

"They're different. Totally. That music and song make me relax and enjoying the flow of time. And yours? Well, I'm not sure what it really is."

"You have to listen to the branch of this genre then, chill one."

"Not now, not now. Another time will do."

Hidden Message Response

Uncertainty could be a flavor of world excitement, but also a tormentor that potentially mess up the feeling and sanity. I sent you those secret codes. However, I have no idea whether you already read it or not. And if you have, what did you do after realizing the secret code's meaning? Well, the major disadvantage of sending a message using covert method is the unknown or irrelevant response. In my opinion, there is should be an agreement of the code type and how to decipher it. Unfortunately, the solution unable to implement for a secret admirer that send the message to his/her crush.

I do not know how to react nor compose the reply to your message if you really read them. Perhaps you better did not read at all. 

If You're Good at Something, ...

"If you are good at something, never do it for free." A notorious quote from the movie that turned an ignorant who did not put any interest in major trend into a movie lover. Movie athlete might be more relevant since this person really fond of the movie marathon.

The question is, do you agree with that quote? Personally, I found this quote is too materialistic and money oriented, isn't it? On the other hand, if we use business perspective, this quotation fit perfectly. Monetizing our most excel skill is easier said than done, yet this quote suggests us to make a master plan for ensuring people to use our products/services and pay for them. Do not ask me how because I can not figure it out too. I only share my own perspective and hopefully in the not-too-distant future I could be paid for it. Who knows?

A Message for You

I love everything that related to mystery or crime genres. Movies, novels, or riddles which contain those contents will surely captivate me. From that sources, I learn few tricks and secret codes. However, that code would be useless if no one could grasp the meaning. Therefore, I told some people to decipher a code. Afterward, I wrote a secret code in my poem for a special occasion which only a few people can read and understood the private message. And this code is posted for you, only for you (if you remember how to solve this easy piece, though).

HIOD MIO EKUE PMR YLYH AUG COUO IPA AVKY DUS NEIS IAM TYNA RSE

One Path Journey - 3

"I was a... afraid to make a single sound
Afraid I would never find a way out
Afraid I'd never be found
I don't wanna' go another round
An angry man's power will shut you up
Trip wires fill this house with tip toed love"

I do nothing and I did nothing either. Locked inside a chamber, the comfort zone, while the world doing the regular basis. Fear has consumed me. A wise man once told me that when you are afraid of jumping, then jump. That feeling is the signal to do anything I afraid of and doing nothing would make me stuck in the same place for an indefinite amount of time. I am afraid. Very afraid. 

"Hate your appearance, did you struggle to find your place in this world?
And the pain spawns all the anger on"

As the consequence of stuck stage, apparently, a new question appears. Do I really have a place in this world? Or I am just nobody who was created to do nothing important at all? Who will never be recognized by the world? So, why did I have to be created anyway?

"And everything you're scared to say don't be afraid to say no more
From this day forward, just let them a-holes talk,
Take it with a grain of salt and eat their fuckin' faces off"

It is been too long for a depression state, which devoured all my strength and courage. I am fed up with this situation: sleep and eat all day long, lifeless, and monotone daily cycle. My time is up, I have to accept this defeat and learn to stand up.

"Run out of excuses for everyone
So here I am and I will not run
Guts over fear (the time is near)
Guts over fear (I shed a tear)"

I have used every possible defense to rationalize my former action. Blame, excuse, and justification. I did everything to protect my pride and cover my fear. Such a vain attempt, I think. A useless phase of a journey, yet it gave me enough time to contemplate and rearrange future plan. Will I encounter the similar situation? I don't know. It's time to jump.

* (One path journey, a three-post-life story, is inspired by Eminem ft Sia "Guts Over Fear")

A Great - Lovely - Captivating but Not-Western Movie

Earlier on this day, I watched a movie - yes the movie marathon program still running - and I was dazzled. The movie title will be kept secret since this blog mainly discusses the daily activity of an insignificant life, not a movie review. In brief, if you prefer a dark cunning yet full of familial affection thriller crime movie, this Bollywood masterpiece is recommended to watch.

Did I say Bollywood? Yes, you are not mistaken. At first, I always thought that Bollywood movies only have one big special formula. Two individuals, fallen in love, happy (which followed by the unnecessary music video and second rate happy dancer on the background), the problem occurs, sad (which often followed with the lightning strike sound effects and non-essential music video, again), a situation that strengthens the love or principal value happened, the protagonists give a maximum effort, the problems solved, and finally live happily ever after. Wow, such a long statement, isn't it?Note this, knowing that formula saves me from disappointment because it made me always put the not-too-high expectation on Bollywood movies. 

However, not on this one. The movie that revolves around a murder case utterly blew my mind. One side of the party creates the horror of interrogation to seek the truth, whereas the other establishes the solid alibi to protect themselves. However, both of them have the similar principal value: family. Two hours and a half spent and I did not aware until the movie ended. The rollercoaster flows with a strong foundation of the characters make every second count, a rare situation when I watch a Bollywood movie. The stigma of a lack tension, absence suspense, but brimming with melodramatic romance broke down. The movie gives me a new Indian movie perspective. After the movie finished, I still did not believe that I actually love it. Therefore, I checked Google and found out that this movie was rated 8.7 on IMDB! I have a decent judgement on the movie's quality, after all.

Truthfully, I wish I could write more about this special movie but I want to continue my movie marathon program. I might see many great films that I have never know before, right? Thank you and see you.

After Movie Thoughts

I spent over twenty-four hours in the last few days just to watch movies. Nonstop. And I couldn't be happier since I already have them stockpiled in the laptop for weeks. At last, now I can move them to the better place: external hard disk. 

My imagination roams free because of those movies. These products of art imbue my brain which affects the thinking system. It kept changing pole to pole. However, I ever heard about a bestseller worldwide book that changed the perspectives of millions, "Whatever you think, think the opposite".

Here, the book emphasized that everyone has an original thinking, and not good enough unless they switch it to the opposite. Basically, I have to think the opposite of my thought. At the same moment, I do not understand my mind whether it thinks about the normal one or the opposite? If a normal one, then everything will be more straightforward. I only have to change it to the opposite. Yet, after I hold the opposite, should I consider the opposite of the opposite which leads to the original idea? Meanwhile, the problem arises when the first is an opposite. What else must I do? I already think the opposite, still, the basic principle of the book ask me to think the opposite which refers to the normal one. Or do I have to think nothing? Shut it like a TV that turned off by pulling the electricity cable out?

My honest opinion, both the movies and book worth to watch/read on their own, not combined. Wait a minute, is that the first thought? So would it be better if converted to the opposite: they are terrible?

Paradox.

One Path Journey - 2

"Sometimes I feel like all I ever do is
Find different ways to word the same, old song
Ever since I came along
From the day the song called "Hi, my Name Is" dropped
Started thinkin' my name was fault
Cause any time things went wrong
I was the one who they would blame it on"

Do not victimize yourself, you may advise. But the truth is I am being victimized by none other than myself. Since I lost my path, I sit on the remaining path and keep imputing my previous choice. Everything went wrong after I choose to continue my journey, it could be better if I stayed in my dark but safe cave.  

"No wonder I had to unlearn everything my brain was taught
Do I really belong in this game? I pondered
I just wanna' play my part, should I make waves or not?
So back and forth in my brain, the tug-o-war wages on"

Just go on. Keep fighting. The voices inside my head arguing, proposing unrealistic imagination related to the past that already happened. What is the purpose of this journey? Is there anything good in the end of my adventure? Or will I always be an insignificant individual that no one ever catch a glimpse of me even though I already tried the best?

"I don't wanna' seem ungrateful or disrespect the artform I was raised upon
But sometimes you gotta' take a loss
And have people rub it in your face before you get made pissed off"
The real deal my head keep enquire is that really true that I choose this journey. It could be destined but I just never realize, which leads to the final conclusion: I do not need to strive, since every effort is meaningless to change the ultimate ending. After a long time I spent doing nothing in front of this obstruction, I am grateful of this journey. I found the gratitude concept slightly before I decide to isolate myself on this path until the infinity pick me up. Yes I am thankful for everything that happened in my life. Up and down in the path is a normal thing, but I never found one in my always-elevated-pathway. This is the first remarkable drop and I am not ready to face one. Yes, this is my defeat.

One Path Journey - 1

"Feels like a close, it's coming to
Fuck am I gonna do?
It's too late to start over
This is the only thing I, thing I know"
Here I am. At the peak of a structure. I climbed all the way to this place and I can not go back since there is only one path provided in this journey. Turning back would only take me to the starting point, nothingness. The nihility which called zero in another locution. In this journey, an expedition to seek infinity, turning back means completely fail. Moreover, the train of time would not allow that act.

However, the trail in front of me is gone somehow and nothing left except a dark deep ravine and gorge. The one-path-journey only gives two choices: jump to continue the journey or do nothing until the last train of time picks me up and take me to the endlessness station. Starting over is not a choice since this way is the only thing I know about my path. Should I jump? But what is waiting at the bottom of this cliff; or is it a bottomless pit and limitless drop? I am scared.

A Research Proposal

The content of a good research proposal is of paramount importance, but the structure and presentation are important factors in making your proposal accessible to reviewers. You should carefully follow the funder’s suggested guidelines for structuring your proposal. If you are not given much structural guidance you should consider including the following sections in your proposal:

• Title and abstract.
• Introduction (background information) and literature review. Demonstrate that your research will make a worthy contribution to an existing body of literature, and that it has not been done before. Research proposals are often of limited length so only choose key research articles in your field. You should grab the reader’s attention by keeping your writing succinct and relevant.
• Statement of hypotheses and/or research questions. What key areas of research will your proposal test (hypotheses) or address (research questions)?
• Aim and objectives. These must be justified. Consider the requirements of your funding body – are you meeting these and not just addressing your own intellectual curiosity? The funder’s website usually provides the criteria against which your proposal will be judged.
• Methodology. You should justify the methodology you intend to use, and if space permits you could explain what alternatives you disregarded (this demonstrates that you have considered alternative approaches). You need to explain why the methodology you have chosen is the most appropriate means of addressing your research questions.
• Ethical considerations. Many funders will explicitly ask you to consider the ethical implications of your research; if not then you should still demonstrate that you have considered them (particularly if your research involves people or animals).
• Resources required. This section is particularly important if you have been asked to quantify any potential expenditure.
• Proposals for the dissemination of research findings and expected outputs (e.g. journal articles). Be aware of your funder’s requirements for how any research outputs should be disseminated.
• Summary. If appropriate (check the guidelines) a summary could be included – it is not unusual, for example, for a funder to ask for a summary of the proposal addressed to a lay audience.

Originally taken from: 

http://www2.hull.ac.uk/lli/skills_team/supportingresearch/research_proposals.aspx

N vs W

"I need a new phone," she said.

"What for? You already have one."

"The camera. I need it to bolster up the quality of my work."

Well, she's not working in documentation or advertising division, yet I understand that a better camera will significantly help her in event organization, "okay let's find one."

"I think this phone has enough feature that fit with your wish at the low price."

"Yeah, but its RAM only 1gb, my sister said that I need at least 2."

"Well, that one will do then."

"Naah, the price exceed my budget."

"I'll lend you mine."

"No need, let's find another one."

I sighed and followed her footsteps to another counter.

First of all, I really understand that sometimes we need something to enhance our work quality, in this case: phone. NEED. However, even though the specifications has fulfilled our need we still want more, at the same price. WANT.

Need and want could be a big problem when they have a big gap between them. Das sein das sollen, the difference among these two create the problem. Still, it is hard to distinguish need and want in some occasion. As long as I know, need is something that will be sustained and useful in the long term. On the other hand, want refers to something instant that will satisfy our prestige, status, or greed. 

These topics need a further assessment to develop our understanding. However, the final conclusion at this moment is "need is better than want".

At this moment, I am really grateful because of you. Because you are reading this. Thanks to you.

The 15 Seconds

Every second matter, every second count. The importance of time seems undeniable, "Time is Money" has declared this belief. However, one of the most genius scientists states that the time is relative. The same amount of time, let's say a minute, could be a long time for some people but short for the others. Not only the individual factor, the type of activity also increase the time perspective's variety.

Have you ever deal with the salesman in the public place? What is your reaction and what happened at that time? One thing for sure, that salesman has "products" then promote them to you. You, as a consumer, have the choice to take it or leave it. Yet, before we moving on to "that" choice, you have the choice to be attracted or not beforehand. Based on this analogy, let's imagine the salesman's role who have to promote our products whether it is raw material, service, or maybe an idea.

Let's say we want to explain an idea to an important person which that person's time is as expensive as the gold and we only have less than a minute to describe the idea. What will we do?

Based on the expert's advice, we have to use the association technique which connects the similarity of ours with another well-known "products" in the same sector and then explain the major difference between them. It will be better if you take less than a quarter minute.

Sometimes we tend to ignore the whole conversations while we communicate with a stranger, nevertheless, we would pay more attention if it connects with something we know precisely.

KKN-PPM Gadjah Mada - Dandang Gula by Pak Podo

Kang sinanggit sekar dandang gendis

Mung kinarya njumbuhake rasa

Rasa ing sanubarine

Riharas jroning kalbu

Manunggaling ati pakarti

Lathi pan jangkepira

Kang kinarya laku

Lakuning pakarti tama

Nora ngetang akehing budi utami

Pasrah maring kang kwasa

Wulan pasa tahunipun alip

Mangsa siji windune sangara

Kuruwelut nggih wukune

Sangalas papat pitu

Tanggal siji ing tahun jawi

Mahasiswa Gadjah Mada

Lumebet ing dusun

Dusun Puthon Girimulya

Cacah sapta kakung putri ingkang prapta

Nyawiji mring kawula

Kang sawiji putri Sala Vivi

Kang kapindo Wedar Purwakerta

Dene ingkang katelune

Ing Sukaharja Pramu

Kaping papat Adit lan Rani

Kekalih saking Yogya

Kalima puniku

Anggara Ngayogyakarta

Kang pungkasan Achda Jaten kang winarni

Sadaya mahasiswa

Pamintaku mring sira puniki

Wigatosna aywa ngantikemba

Mring sira kang disik dewe

Den bakuh ing pikukuh

Sregep srawung ja nganti lali

Asih maring sasama

Apan iku baku

Lamun benjang wus makarya

Ngati ati manah jujur sing taberi

Muga slamet slaminya

Surrounded by Emptiness

The first question. Have you read the title of this post?

Second. If you, indeed, had read that, do you associate this post with depression or sadness or even grief?

If you did, well it seems that I have to ask for an apology this time.

Next questions. Have you ever taste a cuisine that is very delicious that gave you out-of-world sensation? Or have you ever listen to a music which gave you an eargasmic? And if you had, whether it is either or both, what happened after you going through those moments? Did your world remain the same? Did those affect your life in any way whatsoever?

I have ever heard a parable that said, "The easiest way to describe the situation is by asking the questions." It is what I did. I experienced those kind of thrills which was highly related to movies. And no, my world did not remain the same. The art of that movies really changed my perspectives. Subsequently, you could deduce my answer for the next question: "Yes, they gave a huge impact to the life of mine."

At this moment, I am on the process of movie marathon -an activity to watch (and rewacth) the movies nonstop- until I encounter those magnificient art. After I saw the trilogy movies, I watch another movies which then I realized that the other movies are just plain, tasteless screen play. The trilogy took another level of movie's quality which raised my taste of movie and set it at the apex. Eventually, the only thing that left for me at the present time is emptiness. They made a hole in my heart and an enormous void in my brain.

I wish and I really wish that this phenomenon will last temporarily. As if you were being strucked by a lightning, being mesmerised by the art will cause a momentary shock -that's being said only if we survived the jolt, though. 

Angel and Human (1)

"Everyone has an angelic side in their own heart."

Based on a particular circumstance, I "trapped" in this kind of activity. An event that forced me to smile to every people that I met. A situation that constrained me from using any kind of gadget (and I love this rule, though). An event that enforced me to develop an intimate relationship with someone who was chosen by the committee. Well not that I hated it, but this is something that I didn't do every day.

For your information only, I am a quiet - no fun person which always takes things seriously. And if we moving on to the face validity, a big zero will emerge from the judges. And if you look for good points from education nor career, you would find nothing. Literally nothing. Well, in the end, I (still) had to do those tasks from the committee.

The assignment is not that hard actually. You only had to do something good to the target. You had to become an "angel" for that person, someone who would do everything to make a human happy. At the first time when I imagined those things, I found that it is really hard since I did not know anything related to my human.

However, funny things happened in the d-day. You know what? Every person that attended the event treated each other well. I was judged as "an angel" for the person that was not "my human". They asked me personally, "Are you the angel of mine?", which then I had to tell the truth, no. And not only myself, many of my friend being judged so. You have to believe that we acted unconsciously in those situations. We, subconsciously, have the capability to be an altruist to the environment.

My point is when you really want to do something good to someone and you believe that you could, you will succeed. Your body will emit positive aura which will be recognized by the surroundings. That aura will affect you and bring your positive character. We were born with virtuous heart but tainted gradually. Even if the nowadays people tend to be an individualist, the pure seraphic heart still remains in ourselves.

I Chose to Run

It's been more than one month since I stopped writing. Stuck. The brain stopped processing, I made it stop, to be honest. The intention to protect myself from anything which might harm the feeling of mine caused me to stop thinking since that failure. I float on the flow of time. After all, I am someone that rarely rejected or failed. It was a big shock. I transformed to a useless robot with an empty mind.

Fight or flight. Two options, two choices. I always try to pick the subsequent preference, whilst am fully conscious that running is not the best one. It is relieving, yet you have to avoid several people to protect your "secure" feeling, isn't it? The flight may set your mind at ease, however, you have to reconsider your action. It will never solve the issue, yet give you additional time. On the other words, the problem will never be settled since running will only postpone it for a while.

The Alteration

Coward. I don't know since when I behaved like one, but one thing that is certain, fail was never an option for me. Someone who never flunked in his life - it is considered as a great success, isn't it? Well, the answer is, NOPE! Because I, who regarded as the one that never fail, always feared the word "FAIL". As the consequence, I never tried something new or even initiated to make a move. I didn't want to lose my title, the one who never fail.

Being frightened of losing my special epithet, I will only step on the field that guarantees 100% success and no risk at all, which recently realized as the greatest failure of mine. People may say that my recent achievements are "good", but never "great" - and those accomplishments are "normal" which possibly done by most of people. My desire leads me to demand the "great" attainments which cannot be reached by "normal" people. In order to seek those goals, I have to be ready to face failure after failure, always initiate and pursue the chance to do something that I have never done before. To be the great man of the future. "The one who regrets the most is not the one who has failed countless time, but someone who never give his 100% effort."

Reap and Sow: The Fruit of Accumulated Hard Work

You reap what you sow. We will receive something based on the effort given earlier. Let's talk about the same topic as yesterday - dream. The thing which synonymous with aim, goal, target, destination or whatever-you-called-it will only become true by the accumulation of effort. The blessing of macro cosmos would be incorrect to justify the goal accomplishment, but the aggregate amount of attempt could be one. The history told that the successful people are the one who constantly holds the effort with perseverance for a long time. Nobody would succeed easily on the first try.

As the same with the dream, mastering a special ability would also take time. Compatibility only contributes a small amount, yet persistence and hard work are essential in constructing the skill. They are the price to possess the designated proficiency which had to be paid earlier. Anyone may curse the destiny when realising the glorious while, on the other hand, they had nothing to proud of. Well, the answer would be a question - Have you paid the price?

Train Track: The Importance of Having a Destination

A life without a goal is like a plant without the light - firstly the plant will grow faster but eventually dies a moment later. In this case, we will not recognize whether our life moves faster or not since we never know our "real time" in this world; nevertheless, dreamless life will make the life lost its meaning. Our world always stables without any up and down; however our life is fun because it is like a roller-coaster, isn't it? Creating a goal will turn on your adrenaline, which means you are either being challenged or scared. Both are fine, actually. 

All of us could never predict  the future, we could only plan for the best. If you don't even know the dream you want to chase to, that is fine.  Listen to your heart, listen to your surroundings. Keep your mind open, do not be an obstinate nor headstrong person. Take your time and think slowly, after you found one, stick to it and move as fast as you can to achieve the dream. After all, a slow-paced train which moves to its destination is still better than the derailed one, right?

A Small Tips to Reach The Bigger Step on Relationship

This morning, I read a little about the difference between men and women. Each of them, mostly, hope the opposite site to understand their own way of thinking, perspective, or even action. But really, it has to be cleared. The two of each category are different. You can not push the other to only understand you thoroughly while you are not trying to listen to their opinion either. One of the keys is, based on the book Men from Mars and Women from Venus, understanding each other.

Occasionally, whilst the woman having such a bad day, she would recount every situation she had gone through. In most of those situations, based on the book and also my own experience, the woman only needs a place where she could throw the trash to. The person that being needed the most at that time is someone who would listen to the words that being blurted out. Plus the empathy and the sincere attention. Without saying any words, by doing so, you already help her to recover and cast away her burden, once again based on the book. Well, in my opinion, whenever your partner had a bad day, try to give that person your sincere attention and empathy. In addition, tell him or her that you really want to help by any means. Try to avoid the judgmental, solutional, or sceptical speech when you are not asked and hold your tongue until your partner finishes the gripe. If that person is your true partner for your future, he/she will appreciate your honest intention. 

This Is Not Commonly Taken By The 95%

It's been several years since I studied psychology, which gave me the knowledge related to statistics. Based on normal distribution theory, with the normal curve as the trademark, the top tier is the place for only less than 5% of the total sum. Implying that for every person born in this world, there is only a small percentage of them who really excels in a particular area. Being a writer of this article, doesn't mean that I am included to the selected people. Nevertheless, a great effort should be made to chase the goal of mine - to be the top 2% as a learner.

The same situation was forcefully brought to your life. Whether you like it or not, it doesn't care. In fact, it never cares. The challenges will always dare you in the face. They will never stop for a moment just to hear your excuses, blames, or even justifications. The world, which previously been declared as your comfort zone, unexpectedly will swallow your as a whole when you halt your progress and daydream unrealistic situations. You only have two option: stand or surrender. Well, you have the choices, whilst I don't. However, you have to believe that this is not your only game. This is everyone's game. Therefore, I believe that anyone will gladly stand together with you if you ask and open your heart. Let's prove that we are in the top 5%, or even better - the top 2%.

Its You and Me

Two posts in a day! Such a rarity, I believe. Well, it is once in a blue moon, to be honest. However, all I want to say in this second post of the day is that this script has no code whatsoever. So if you, whoever you are, are trying to break this one. Stop it. You will just waste your energy. This post is dedicated to no one, but everyone. 

I contemplate a lot of things today. Starting with my past activity, my personality, even the things that never crossed my mind for a "normal me". In addition, I tried to understand other's perspective bit by bit. We are all different. Even the identical twin would be very different when we grow up. You could say that appearance may look alike, you could never say that their personality is exactly the same. And those abstract concepts may diversify our way to see some things. Our perspectives.

You and I have a discrete way of thinking, different value of life, also divergent interpretations of any situation happened on our surroundings. I think I am always right, but you do too. Both of us unexpectedly similar in this point of view. The problem is when we have different point of view regarding the same situation. We have our own argument. We have our own reason. We have our own way of thinking.


It won't stop. I will say it again. I won't stop. Until one of us acquiesce the opposite perspective. Not because of the rightousness, but for the sake of something greater.

Kisah Singkat Cangkirku dan Pilihan Anda

Pertama-tama, terimakasih buat kamu yang masih sudi membaca segenap tulisan-tulisanku yang tak berarti. Hehe. Maafkan segala keabsurdan yang saya miliki. Okay, berikut adalah tulisan ketika masih semester tiga dulu. Semuanya, even the footnote. Maafkan segala ke"alay"annya. Thanks for coming!

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Dan secangkir jahe instan hangat telah duduk dengan nyaman di atas meja belajarku. Ia menanti diriku yang sedang berkutat menghadapi tumpukan tugas dengan setia, tanpa beranjak sedikit pun dari sudut meja yang sepi. Aku pun termenung. Samar-samar terpantul bayangan diriku dari cangkir yang masih mengepul. Hmm, jikalau cangkir punya mata pasti dia sedang menatapku, menatapku yang sedari tadi hanya memandang layar laptop tanpa pernah menghiraukannya.

Kuamati lagi diriku melalui cangkir dan aku pun teringat ketidaksukaanku terhadap cermin. Ya, aku tidak suka dengan pantulan diriku yang ada di cermin. Bukan benci, tapi memang sejak dulu aku tidak pernah suka untuk bercermin dimana pun aku berada. Aku merasa malu terhadap diriku. Orang mungkin mengatakan penghargaan diriku terhadap diri sendiri kurang, ada pula yang berkomentar bahwa diriku terlalu merendah. Yah memang seperti itulah aku, rasa rendah diri yang ada pada diriku ini telah bercokol sekian lama dan memang aku pun nyaman-nyaman saja dengan hal itu. Aku hanya takut jika rasa ini kucabut hingga akar-akarnya, yang tersisa hanyalah kesombongan dan keangkuhan diri yang sulit untuk dikendalikan.

Sebagai efek lanjutan dari kurangnya rasa penghargaan diri, banyak hal-hal kecil yang mungkin tidak memberi dampak stres bagi orang lain tetapi memberi andil terhadap stres dalam diriku. Tetapi masih bisa diatasi dengan metode positive thinking yang selama ini aku pelajari kerena intensitas pemicu stres yang sering datang. Setiap ada pemicu stres hendak berkunjung, aku memberi konsep kepada sistem mentalku “keep calm and hakuna matata”. Hakuna matata adalah istilah dalam sebuah film yang mirip artinya dengan carpe diem, atau nikmatilah hidupmu sepenuhnya.

Seiring mengalirnya tulisan, aku yakin orang yang membacanya tidak merasa ini tulisan yang penting untuk disimak. Aku tahu akan hal ini karena Sang Cangkir pun telah kehabisan uapnya, kehabisan semangatnya untuk memperhatikanku. Anganku pun terbang, membayangkan diriku di masa depan. Akankah aku tetap rendah diri? Mungkin. Apakah aku tetap akan mudah tertekan? Mungkin. Bisakah aku menikmati hidupku nanti? Untuk yang satu ini aku jawab harus bisa.

Aku memiliki banyak impian muluk-muluk dan tak masuk akal yang aku pajang di tembok kamarku. Inti dari sekian banyak mimpi ini adalah aku ingin menikmati hidup. Hidupku sekarang sudah nikmat, tapi aku yakin hidupku esok hari akan lebih nikmat dan lebih nikmat dan begitu seterusnya. Banyak orang telah mengorbankan kenikmatan selagi berjuang meraih tujuan. Jadi mengapa kita tidak menikmati kehidupan sembari mengejar mimpi?

Well, tugasku adalah menuliskan diriku sekarang dan esok, tapi mengapa isinya ngelantur begini? Hmm, seingatku tidak ada ketentuan yang mengharuskan aku menuliskan aspek-aspek tertentu. Dan kalau pun penilai membaca tulisan ini tidak jelas dan tidak karuan, itulah yang ingin kusampaikan mengenai betapa tidak jelasnya gambaran diriku di kemudian hari.

Kuraih cangkir yang mulai dingin dan kuteguk sebagian dari isinya. Kubiarkan cairan jahe mengalir melewati kerongkonganku dan menghentak kerja otakku. Jika memang tugasku adalah menuliskan bagaimana diriku nantinya, aku hanya berharap masih bisa bertemu dengan esok hari, bercengkrama bersama matahari, menikmati secangkir jahe hangat, mendengarkan alunan lagu, bertemu dengan orang-orang yang aku sayangi, dan beristirahat lagi berselimutkan malam hari.

Kuteguk lagi sisa cairan yang ada di dalam cangkir, kali ini sampai habis. Kupandang layar laptopku dan kusadari tulisan amburadulku ini sudah lebih dari satu halaman. Kuputuskan untuk tidak menyiksa pembaca lebih lama lagi. Sembari memikirkan kata penutup, aku memejamkan mata. Tanpa sengaja kudengar jarum jam berdetak dengan suaranya yang khas. Kunikmati sambil menarik nafas dalam-dalam, terkadang aku lupa betapa nikmatnya tiap detik yang telah diberikan padaku bahkan seringkali mengeluh karena kehabisan waktu  menghadapi berbagai aktivitas. Esok hari adalah gambaran yang abstrak, tetapi apa pun yang terjadi ya nikmati saja tiap-tiap detiknya. Tik tok tik tok...

NB: membaca tulisan ini sampai akhir bukan kewajiban, melainkan pilihan Anda. terimakasih